Figuring Out What You Really Want with Spencer Snakard

Figuring Out What You Really Want with Spencer Snakard

“When we can start to identify, really tap into and have the courage to express those qualities of who we really are, that’s when we really come alive. That’s when we get the freedom to fully experience life in all of its glory.” - Spencer Snakard

What does it take to be truly fulfilled in life? This can be tricky if we aren’t sure what it will take to feel this way, or where to even start along our journey. That’s why I’m speaking with today’s Brave By Design expert guest about what is most often holding us back from living our dream life, and what to do to determine what it is that we really want moving forward.

Spencer Snakard is a mindset coach, transformational trainer, and motivational speaker for entrepreneurs who are ready to stop struggling and instead create the thriving business and life of their dreams. She helps her clients achieve the kind of life filled with financial freedom and doing the work they love with passion, purpose, and profits, without ever having to give up what matters most to them.

This conversation with Spencer was so impactful, and she even shares exercises and insights that you most likely won’t hear talked about elsewhere. It is my hope that anyone listening can benefit from what she shares today, whether you are looking for more happiness in your personal or professional life - or in both. 

Connect with Spencer: https://spencersnakard.com/

Connect with Laura Khalil online:

instagram.com/iambravebydesign

linkedIn.com/in/LauraKhalil

Learn the five habits that help women rise:

http://bravebydesign.net/fivehabits 

Invite Laura to speak at your live or virtual event http://bravebydesign.net

What You’ll Hear In This Episode: 

  • How Spencer quickly found the world of coaching after studying psychology in school - and never looked back [2:04]

  • The things that stop most people from doing what they really want to do in life [6:24]

  • Where identity comes into play, and the reasons that some people struggle to shed theirs in order to grow [9:54]

  • How to know where to even get started getting to where you want to go, and the specific questions to be asking yourself along the way [11:26]

  • The ways to identify if what you think that you want is what you really want [16:02]

  • Why checking in with yourself in this process is key, and Spencer’s tips for doing this in the most effective way possible [21:01]

Additional Links & Resources:

Spencer’s Free Mindset Masterclass 

Schedule a Call with Spencer For More Information on Her Business Breakthrough Program 

Her Facebook, LinkedIn & YouTube Channel

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey

Support the show (https://www.paypal.me/bravebydesign)

Transcript
Spencer Snakard:

When we can start to identify and really tap into and have the courage to express those qualities of who we really are, that's when we really come alive. And that's when we get the freedom to fully experience life in all of its glory.

Laura Khalil:

Welcome to brave by design. I'm your host, Laura Khalil. I'm an entrepreneur, coach and speaker. I love thinking bait, exploring the power of personal development and sharing the best strategies from thought leaders and pioneers in business to empower ambitious women and allies to bravely rise and thrive. Let's get started. Everyone, welcome to this episode of brave by design, I am really excited for you to meet our guests today. Spencer snake guard is an executive transformation coach, trainer and speaker. She works with visionary entrepreneurs and transformational leaders who are on a mission to make major impact, helping them to break through barriers to their next level of success. While loving life every step of the way. Doesn't that sound great. And by the way, this is without giving up what matters most of them. She's trained and coached in personal and professional development. For nearly 25 years, her transformative programs cause profound and lasting shifts in participants lives by getting back to the heart of what drives us, what holds us back, and what it takes to be truly fulfilled as spiritual beings having a human experience Spencer, I love the sound of that. Welcome to brave by design.

Spencer Snakard:

Yes, thank you. Thanks so much for having me.

Laura Khalil:

So you know what's really interesting, whenever we have coaches on the show, or we bring people who are entrepreneurs, I feel like me, at least for my story, I certainly didn't start out this way. You know, I didn't like come out of the womb with a headset on talking about how women who rise in the world. And so I would love for us to start by what led you to doing this work?

Unknown:

Yeah, well,

Spencer Snakard:

you know, it's interesting, I always I maybe didn't come out of the womb doing this. But I think I always had this a draw toward helping wanting to help people be the best that they can be and and achieve whatever they want. From a young age, I kind of had that sort of Pollyanna ish attitude of like, anything is possible. And every everything is happening for a reason.

Laura Khalil:

Did your parents encouraged that? You know, I

Spencer Snakard:

think my mom did very much even used to say very frequently, she used to say things like, oh, gosh, it's not just to anything as possible. I've already lost the phrase in my head as she said it, but she just always it certainly the message behind it was always like, you can do anything. And she was kind of of the approach of better to beg for forgiveness than to ask permission.

Laura Khalil:

I listen, I like the sound of your mother.

Unknown:

Yes.

Spencer Snakard:

He is an amazing woman. But I went to college for a psychology degree because I didn't know anything else existed. That would be anything that would be helpful to people and their sort of their drive and achieving their dreams or their motives, that sorts of things. And soon after I got out of college, I discovered the work of coaching and the transformational training, I did a transformational training seminar as a participant, and probably halfway through the first day looked at the trainer and went that that is what I was put on this earth to do.

Laura Khalil:

And then did you just do it? Were you like, that's my job.

Spencer Snakard:

I started into an impact. I did all of their pretty much everything they offered as a student to begin with, which is kind of how they rolled you start by going through all of their curriculum. And I ended up working for them for a couple years. And sadly, I happened to discover them right on the back end of there. They were in business for about 25 years. And I discovered them near the end of their 25 years when they decided to close Oh, shoot. Yeah, so it was really disappointing. And, you know, it was amazing work. I absolutely loved what I was doing. But I was working insanely long hours for incredibly low pay being paid by the fulfilment in my right. But that

Laura Khalil:

you know what, Spencer? That's like a lot of people who feel very mission driven. Yeah, is that they often will not they will feel so spiritually fulfilled by the work, but so financially depleted at the same time?

Spencer Snakard:

Yes, absolutely. So I wised up somewhat, and then I thought, well, I'll go do this I'll find a way to do this work in the corporate setting and a and have better benefits. And I'll just say my corporate path ended up not going that direction for multiple reasons. And part of that was because right as I was on the verge of moving into more like leadership development, and you know, the time I went into corporate it was one like Stephen Covey's Seven Habits was really big things like that. It's like, whoa, whoa, okay. Amazing. And so right as I was on the verge of being about to do that company got bought and I had just given birth to my first child and I had the opportunity to work from home full time. And yeah, and so I very well, I'll just keep it zipped and keep my head down and do what I need to do to keep working through this. So I love Oh, I love you know, I did what I did very well in my corporate career, but it was not this work. And so I found ways to do it, I found ways outside of work to do it. And I started a yoga studio thinking I was going to, I used to do it, I would, you know, people thought they were coming for down dogs and stretching and, and stuff. And I'd sneak in life lessons to them and let and transformational coaching along the way.

Laura Khalil:

But it was appearing in different forms, even if you weren't coaching at the time. And even if you were working a corporate job, it was still finding a way through.

Spencer Snakard:

Absolutely. And I've always been such a believer in that. And I really found my way to it sort of longer the hard way around. I think part of my own part of my own belief or mindset was like anything worth having is worth fighting for. And yes, I think there's something to that. But it didn't occur to me until much later in life like, yeah, and things worth having. You don't necessarily have to fight for like, they don't have to be hard, they don't have to be so difficult. So anyway, I finally found my way to this incredible world of online, client based service based business and realized I could do that amazing work I was doing a number of years ago and found other ways to weave through but I could have it be my direct, full time. 100% thing.

Laura Khalil:

Spencer, let me ask you a question. What do you think stops most people from doing exactly that? Because a lot of people will

Spencer Snakard:

stick it out in a job that they don't love because they're convinced I can't actually do the thing I want to do? Absolutely. I think you're right, so many people feel that way. And part of it, I think is lack of knowledge or understanding of what's even out there. Like I said, I didn't even know this world of engineering as my own business and finding clients online or through podcasts or things like that. It didn't even occur to me that that was an option. I think the bigger, deeper answer to your question is fear, some form of fear that it boils down to that, I think that I feel like the older I get, the more clear my understanding becomes of so many things. And one of them for me lately that's really been evolving is this belief that we have this real conflict, I think between these kind of two distinct aspects of ourselves that we are mentioned in the beginning that I love that quote by a French philosopher of we're spiritual beings having a human experience. And I do so believe we are spiritual beings, we have a soul that lives within us and has it souls desires and yearnings and your souls purpose, that's here. And so there's the soul side of us that this beautiful, divine, authentic, just magnificent existence that we are. And yet we live within these human bodies. And these bodies are breakable, and they're not. And so there's a very normal and natural need to be fearful of our continuation, you know, really, our number one job is to survive to some extent. And so in that need for survival, and that doesn't just mean keeping a roof over our heads, you know, even if you think those Hierarchy of Needs pretty much every one of those needs, except the very top one, which is self actualization, they all in some way relate to our humaneness to our identity, right? Who we think we are of, of having that incredible job of working your way up the corporate ladder, or making an another hundreds of 1000s or millions in your business, whatever it may be. So these things that really drive our sense of who we think we are, who we think we need to be, to get love and acceptance and belonging and recognition that we feel like we need and that humanity. So it really, to me is about meshing the two, finding a way to bring that full expression of who you are as a spiritual being into your human existence.

Laura Khalil:

I love that I have two things that popped up as you were talking. The first one is identity. And one of the things that I personally have experienced and what I work with clients I see a lot is people, especially people who have been doing something for a long time, they are wearing that identity, and there is a real difficulty with them feeling like they can shut it and become something new and still be accepted. Do

Spencer Snakard:

you see that? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. And I think it's that, you know, I think we have this sort of, I believe it's a false belief, that to shed that identity as to shed who we are. And also I think there's a false belief that to shed the identity as then losing the aspects of ourselves, one that we might really like and want to keep aspects of ourselves that have worked for us, right. So you know, it's not one of the ways I like to think of it is that it's about really having the freedom to choose. It's not necessarily You have to shed the identity, it's to recognize that you have an identity. And do you have it? Or does it have you? Do you love that? is when to be the super successful driven one? Or are you so driven to be super successful that it's killing you and sucking the life out of you? That is,

Laura Khalil:

that's a really powerful, and I hope the audience really took that in is who's running the show your identity are you I, I feel like it was Carl young who had this quote, although I can never find it whenever I look this up. But there's this great quote that I believe is attributed to young, where he says, You spend the first half of your life putting on masks, and you spend the second half of your life learning how to take them off. And that's that that freedom of choosing? Do I want this right now? Maybe I want to choose a different mask. Wait, maybe I just want to just hang out, and you know, resplendent in my soul's joy, whatever that is, maybe I don't have to be the mother, the wife, the hard worker, maybe I can just, yeah, be me.

Spencer Snakard:

Yeah, absolutely. And we can start to identify and really tap into and have the courage to express those qualities of who we really are. That's when we really come alive. And that's when we get the freedom to fully experience life in all of its glory.

Laura Khalil:

So Spencer, how does someone get started? I know a lot of people talk about finding their purpose, what is my soul's purpose? What am I here to do? And I don't know if you like that question, or you don't like that question. But I'm really curious, when you have a client come to you, and they're like, what am I doing? Where am I going? Where do you start them off?

Spencer Snakard:

Yeah, that really is near very near the beginning, I have a framework that I follow with all of my clients, whether they're one on one, or whether it's through group program that I offer, but there's a framework that we go through. And the first section, the first segment of it is alignment, getting aligned, who you really are, what you're here for, and what matters most to you. And there, those are big, they are big, they're huge. That in itself is huge. I it's funny, I've been working on making some updates to my approach lately, or at least to my course offering. And I certainly have had moments where I'm like, Oh my gosh, this, like even one piece of this could be a whole course of it. So it's huge. It is it's huge. And so when clients come one of the first things I really start talking with them about is getting into things like what do you really want? And and why do you really want it? Because sometimes people will say like, you know, I had one client who came to me and said, Well, you know, I want to I want to have an eight figure business. And I was like, Okay, awesome. Tell me more. And as we started talking more It was like, but there were other things that she wanted, that were already in direct conflict with that like who she was going to need to be and what she was going to need to do to create that eight figure business. We're not in alignment with what she wanted in so many other areas of her life. Now, I'm not one to say, I want to be really clear here in case some of your people are thinking Oh, so it's an either or it is not an either or it was in her particular situation, there was a conflict. And when there's a conflict, we're going to do everything we can unknowingly usually totally subconscious. unbeknownst to us, we will do everything we can to protect ourselves from an undesirable outcome. Yeah, so if there's something that saying like, well, I want the $8 million, whatever sure business, but if I have that it's going to cost my health, it's going to cost my marriage, it's going to cost freedom or whatever it may be that people are thinking or fearful of underneath, you're going to work against it. And you're going to sabotage in some form, sabotage yourself to not get that goal so that you don't have to pay the price.

Laura Khalil:

Well, you know, it's kind of interesting, because I do think that anytime you try to go for something that's bigger than you are, you're going to have to let go of things that don't serve you anymore. You can't take it all along with you. Yeah. But in your example, what I find so interesting is that her fears did not really have a basis. I mean, I could be wrong, but I don't think they had a basis in reality. They're just they're their fears that are we don't know if they're gonna be true or not.

Spencer Snakard:

Yeah, well, so an interesting part of that, that I didn't really clarify, but it's coming up. And as you say, that is that for this particular person. It was more so that she really didn't even want the eight figure business, the identity, her identity was telling her she needed the eight figure business to prove something to herself. Of how amazing and awesome and cute right? She is, when really that wasn't even what she wanted. And so it was sort of false or inauthentic drive to get somewhere and another part of her that was like No,

Unknown:

no, don't take

Spencer Snakard:

me there. Exactly. And so when we really tapped into what she wanted, the amazing thing is once we got clear on what she really wanted, that actually created all kinds of openings for her business to skyrocket from where it was. So it's like once you get clear and authentic about what is it, you really want? Why do you really want it? Where are you really going with it? Is it lining up with what really matters to you? When you get clear on all those things, it's amazing how so many things will even start to fall in place on their own. Then, of course, there's all this stuff that comes up with the humanity to have all of the other fears and things that happen. And then how do you navigate your way through those?

Laura Khalil:

Yeah, absolutely. And things will happen, things will be shed. Yeah, that's just what happens when we quote unquote, ascend to another level, you can't take it all with you, you're gonna have to there gonna be some, you know, I feel that way. Maybe you feel that way. I'm sure a lot of our listeners do about certain friends, who we just kind of have to let go of over time because they either they don't support our vision, they can't see our vision. They think our vision is stupid. Yeah. Or it doesn't fit into their model. And that's okay. And you just say, hey, like, you know, peace be with you. I'm going to keep going. Yeah. And then you find new people.

Unknown:

Yes. Yeah. So

Laura Khalil:

for someone who's listening, who's saying, Well, I think I really want these things. And how do we determine if what they're saying just like with your client? How do we determine with what they're saying is real? Or is a fantasy? or some sort of projection on to their identity of who they think they want to be? What's one step that the audience can take to say, okay, am I being

Spencer Snakard:

congruent right now? Right, right. So there's a number, there are so many different things. And there's a number of exercises I take my clients through. One of the things that's coming up for me right now, that is really, it's something that a lot of you won't necessarily find elsewhere. And so I'd love to offer this up for your audience.

Laura Khalil:

Listen up, everyone.

Spencer Snakard:

I have a masterclass that goes through this in more detail. But it is that when there's something that we think we want, we're saying, like, you know, I want, I want to get promoted, I want to make more money, I want to expand my business I want whatever it is that you're saying you want, even if it's on a personal level, when there's something that you're saying you're what you want. And yet it's either not happening, or maybe it's not happening with the ease, or to the scale that you want, or with the sense of freedom and fulfillment that you want. It's just not happening the way you want it to be happening. There's always a reason. And the reason ultimately is related to there's some kind of a payoff that you're getting out of being where you are, and not where you say you want to be. And you know, an example for this for me was with my yoga studio, you know, I wanted so desperately to get out of corporate because as I said, I wasn't doing the work there that I felt was really my, my soul's purpose, and the reason why I'm here on this earth. And so I'd started my yoga studio, and I kept saying, Okay, I'm on the five year plan for this yoga studio to replace my corporate income, and be able to leave corporate and just live off of my stool. And it was, it was a long, five years, I'll just say that it was more than five years, I realized in hindsight, and I did grow the business. And I got I had incredible reviews and great feedback, and everybody loved it. But I never got financially to the place that I wanted to be with it. And what I realized in hindsight, and I so wished I'd had a coach along the way with me, because I think I would have seen this much sooner. I realized, in hindsight, someone had said something early on about people doing things just for the money. And even though logically, you would ask me logically, Spencer, are you doing this just for the money? Are you worried about if people think you're doing this dish from Iowa said, heck, no, there's absolutely not like it's, I totally deserve to be paid for this. I'm offering a valued service to the world. But there was a part of me that was responding to this whole thing of like, well, I don't want people to think I'm some like disgusting person that's trying to take advantage of other people. By doing this just for the money. I'm teaching yoga, because I love it. And I love what it gives to people. And I love the experience that brings them and, and so again, there was nothing conscious to it for me if it's along the way, I would have had no idea. But looking back in hindsight, I went, Oh my gosh, I was totally setting myself up. I wasn't marketing myself in the ways I probably could have or should have been marketing. I can see where I put barriers in my own way again, unknowingly, unintentionally. Yeah, ultimately, that fear for not wanting to be seen as one of those gross, disgusting, driven by money. People who are just a people driven by money are gross or disgusting. But you can see there was a lot of assessment. Yeah, and fear in that, and not wanting to be that I made sure that I wasn't that.

Laura Khalil:

That's really a very powerful example. It's interesting. I meet people who will tell me how much they want to make money. And then they will give me a number of cues which indicate that money is bad money is a source of pain. Money is a source of conflict. And I think if you hate money, why would you ever bring it into your life? Right? I mean, you would just be running away from it because it's such a quote unquote bad thing in your paradigm and, and to your point, money is just, it's just A tool of exchange, it's not good. It's not bad. It's just something that we use to be in fair exchange with others. And I don't know, I see that a lot with people whose money mindset is kind of like skewed. And sometimes it's a big aha moment for them to realize, Oh, yeah, of course, I'm repelling money. I think it's terrible, or I'm going to be judged for be seen as a bad person for having money, or, or my current friends won't like me.

Unknown:

Yes,

Laura Khalil:

yes. You know, then what are you going to do? Yep,

Spencer Snakard:

my family will think I've gotten too big for my britches, or I've even had people say to me, I don't want to make a lot of money, because my family will just expect that I'm going to be handing it over to them, why should I work hard to earn it? When they're just going to expect it?

Laura Khalil:

And why would you then? Why would you? So hopefully, that's sparking some aha moments for our listeners, Spencer, this is like flown by?

Spencer Snakard:

Yes, it has.

Laura Khalil:

So let me ask you this. If you have a couple of key takeaways for the audience, what would those be?

Spencer Snakard:

I think the first thing I think I would say is check in with yourself check in with if how you're showing up in the world, who you're being, what you're doing, the work you're doing, and how you're living your life, if it feels like it's aligned and on track, really, with who you are, what you're here for, and what matters to you or not? And if not, what would be whether that be in business or in corporate or anywhere in your personal life, we always have the ability to shift gears and to step into that next level of expression. And that next level of fulfillment,

Laura Khalil:

I love that Spencer, for people who are like, but I'm so scared, I have this fear of the unknown. What do you tell them?

Unknown:

Get a coach. People you need help.

Spencer Snakard:

It's funny, I didn't used to be so blunt in that statement, but really, I have found this for myself. I've had my own one on one coach for over two years now. And it's been a total game changer for me. And if you look at anyone who's doing well, in business or in corporate, they all have a coach or a therapist. Sometimes I find coaching more forward moving than therapy, but have someone in your corner who can help you get perspective on things and see what you don't see for yourself, especially because of that identity like we spoke of that human side of us that's worried about our survival and not just our physical survival, but also our belonging in the world and how we fit in in the world. It fights hard to keep you blind to the things that it worries are a threat for you, and you need someone else in your corner to help you see what's really going on sometimes, and to have the courage to walk through that to walk through that fear. Absolutely. I

Laura Khalil:

love it. Spencer, how can people learn more about you?

Spencer Snakard:

You can certainly check out my website or my YouTube channel. I'm on Facebook as well. They're almost all with my name, which is a bit of a doozy but it's Spencer snickered. SNAK rd and I do Is it okay if I share that masterclass with your audience as well?

Laura Khalil:

Yes, absolutely.

Spencer Snakard:

Yeah. If any one of your audience is interested, the masterclass I mentioned, which goes through if you're stuck somewhere and something you want but you're not getting there with the speed or scale or ease you want you can access that at Spencer sneakers.com forward slash masterclass.

Laura Khalil:

guys take advantage of that. Okay, because there is so much wisdom here for you to explore to help you get to the next level. Spencer, thank you so much for joining us on brave by design.

Spencer Snakard:

Thanks so much for having me. It was a pleasure.

Laura Khalil:

I want to thank you for joining me and remember to subscribe to your favorite app so you can stay up to date, and I would love your review. If you've enjoyed this episode. Please leave a review and comment on Apple podcasts. You can also keep in touch with me online. You can find me on LinkedIn and I'm also on Instagram at force of badassery. All that information will be available in the show notes. Until next time, stay brave