How to Deal with Toxic People [Monday Mindset]

Oct. 19, 2020

How to Deal with Toxic People [Monday Mindset]

How to Deal with Toxic People [Monday Mindset]

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Laura Khalil:

Hey everyone, welcome to this episode of brave by design. It is me your host, Laura Khalil. And I want to thank you for being here with me on this Monday mindset episode. You've heard me say it before. But I have to say, again, thank you so much to our subscribers, to our five star reviewers. And I really want to read to you one of the latest five star reviews we received. This is just so kind This is from a reviewer named SM, LP I, and it is entitled so many aha moments. All right, and SM LPI writes, every episode has interesting and experienced guests. And because many of them are women who have been through similar experiences to mine in life, I find myself almost crying while listening to some of the episodes. It's like listening to my own story sometimes. But there is always a silver lining in great action items and gold nuggets to take away from the interviews. They're also fun, and I laugh a lot listening to Laura and her guests. This is a very inspiring, educational and insightful podcast, highly recommend it. Thank you so much for that very kind review. And if you have been listening to the show, and you've been getting something out of it, I'd love for you to head on over to Apple podcasts and leave us a review so that I can give you some love on the air. Wouldn't that be fun? You know, one of the things about doing this show is it is informative, it can at times be really difficult because we have to confront ourselves. But one of the things that I always try to do, as much as I can anyway is to make you laugh a little bit to lighten it up a little bit, because that's a really core part of my personality is let's learn, let's grow. And let's kind of have some fun along the way. Because sometimes the world, especially right now, probably more than ever feels so, so serious. And if we can't have any moment of levity as we're learning, it can just feel totally overwhelming. So thank you to that reviewer. And thank you to everyone who has subscribed to brave by design. In our Monday mindset episode, I'm going to talk today about something that has been on my mind for a while. And that is how do you deal with toxic people. And I think the whole issue of dealing with toxic people has several different layers. And the first one is toxic people online. And these may be people you don't even know they could be followers. They could be random acquaintances. And if you're dealing with someone in that format, of an online format, you know what it's okay to unfriend people, it's totally okay to change your feed so that you have more positivity, more joy, more gratitude, more happiness in your life. If you're going to be on social media, that's totally cool. The other aspect though, of dealing with toxic people is like what about those toxic friendships we have? Or what about those toxic work relationships we have, where we can have a gut response to immediately want to cut someone out, right. And that's different than unfollowing on social media or muting someone on social media that's really choosing to end a relationship. So when you're dealing with someone and you are labeling them as quote unquote, toxic, I want you to start with this question. Is your is this feeling of toxicity coming from a place of concern about them, like concerned about their health or well being? Or is it coming from a place of total annoyance with them? If it's coming from a place of concern? You know, my best advice to you is to give them a call and say hey, I've been thinking of you. I've been a little worried how you doing and talk to them and help alleviate that concern. But if it's coming from a place of annoyance, I want you to be really really mindful before you hit the delete the ghosting, move, the unfriending the not responding to messages type thing the fading away. Because if you don't learn how to have a conversation and address what's going on in you with a toxic person, you will bring that to your next relationship. And ultimately that behavior, the ghosting the leading people on The passive aggressiveness that is caused by your annoyance that is toxic. So first what we want to do is we want to go within before we respond and say, why am I triggered? Why am I heard and really get in touch with your emotions around this? and feelings? What about this is really bothering you. And from that point, when you look at yourself, before shutting the door on someone shutting the door on a friendship, you remember that every great friendship is about give and take. And wouldn't you want a friend to come to you or a co worker to come to you and say, Hey, I'd love to talk about what's going on. Because I want us to find a solution, of course you would. So when you begin to address what's going on with you, and why you're feeling that trigger, you can then address them. And the best way to lead those conversations, is to lead with kindness in your heart, it's not to lead with anger, you're going to have to resolve that anger, to some degree before you walk into that. And that resentment as well. You're gonna have to understand that trigger before you walk in, but lead with kindness and really have a conversation about what's going on, and hear what they have to say, because I guarantee you at the end of that conversation, you're going to have a lot more clarity, you're going to feel a lot more enlightened. And you're going to be part of the process of healing, a toxic relationship. how a person responds to that open hearted conversation is going to give you a lot of information about if and how the relationship can continue. But you can only get there by having the conversation and by approaching with an open heart, what in me, needs to be healed so I don't bring any quote unquote, toxicity into the situation. And sometimes the hardest thing for us to do is to go to someone we're annoyed with, with an open heart. Believe me, friends, that is my my work as well. It is not like I am perfect at this at all, but we teach what we are learning. And because I am learning this, I want to teach it to you today. I hope that with the next toxic relationship that you're dealing with, you can first look inward and then have an open hearted conversation with the person who is been bugging you. And I guarantee you're gonna feel a lot better at the end of that. I want to thank you for joining me today. It has been such a pleasure to talk to you if you like this episode, subscribe, share it with your friends, and we will see you this Wednesday for a brand new episode of brave by design. Have a great week.