The Real Reason You're Anxious About Having a Difficult Conversation

July 9, 2020

The Real Reason You're Anxious About Having a Difficult Conversation

The Real Reason You're Anxious About Having a Difficult Conversation

In this bonus episode Laura will be talking about how to have hard conversations, and her upcoming webinar on July 14th, 2020 if you'd like to dive into her five step process for making hard conversations easier.

Register for the webinar:

Get on Laura’s Newsletter: 

Invite Laura to speak at your live or virtual event

Support the show (

It's me Laura Khalil, and we are going to do a special bonus today on brave by design, this is not going to be like our regular episodes, because it's going to be just you and me for a few minutes together, I am really happy to do this. You know, one of the great things about having a podcast is I get to bring on so many incredible speakers to share their knowledge with you. And one of the things I don't do a lot is actually share my knowledge with you. And so you're gonna see that changing a little bit over time, we're going to add some more episodes, solo episodes, but I wanted to start off today and tell you about an upcoming webinar I have on how to have hard conversations. This webinar is on July 14, you can find all the information at brave by design dotnet right on the homepage. You can also find it in the show notes of this bonus episode. So I want to talk about why I am so passionate about this, many of you know that my background is in communications. If you have seen my talk on verbal self defense, what I call today courageous communication, you know that I'm really, really passionate about helping individuals learn how to use their voice, and one of the places that it is so important for us to learn how to use our voice is in those hard conversations. Now, I totally acknowledge it is rare to meet anyone who likes conflict. You know, I think those people are generally relegated to like the Jerry Springer show, it looks scary, we feel attacked, we feel like we may have to defend ourselves in arguments. And if you are like me and how I used to be, I would often just say, What ever it took to get out of the room and just get away from it. And the problem with doing that the problem with that strategy is that well, it does get you away from the conflict. Most often it means that we're not actually Speaking our truth, we're not really able to share our side of the story. And the result is that we can leave those conversations pretty upset and pretty angry feeling like we weren't heard. And you know what happens next? It builds a ton of animosity and resentment between our friends, our colleagues and our family. Am I right? Okay. Do you feel me on this? We have all experienced this at some point. I really believe that that breakdown in communication is one of the reasons why we have such high global disengagement, our global disengagement in the workforce is around 70%. That's seven, zero. There are a few factors in that for sure. But I believe strongly that one of them is that we don't know how to communicate, we don't feel heard. We don't feel seen. We don't feel understood and we disengage right. That's one really important factor and so I only really learned how to handle hard conversations when I started my own business, because here's the thing as a business owner, I couldn't be like passive aggressive with my clients or I lose my job. On the other hand, I also couldn't let my boundaries be violated, or I'd work myself into the ground. And if you're someone who is used to working and having your phone on all the time, whether you're a full time or an entrepreneur, you know that when those messages come in on the weekend or at 11pm, what happens when we have poor boundaries? What happens when we avoid having the conversation? So I really had to learn. And that's why I'm teaching this upcoming webinars, because it is so important to learn how to have these conversations. So what we're going to do in the webinar, is we're going to learn the five step framework that I like to use. And I want to talk to you a little bit about some of the fears because when I started leaning into the discomfort of these conversations and using the skills I get why why, you know, something kind of surprising happens. See, having the difficult conversation actually made me more respected with my clients, not less. You know, often we think the fear is, oh, if I have this conversation, they won't like you. But what if you learn how to have a hard conversation, and you are respected because of it, and you're trusted because of it. In my case, people became very comfortable with me knowing that I could always be a trusted adviser to them, because I would tell them the truth, because I wouldn't run away. And they knew that they could be real with me. And being real with me and trusting me and in this way, liking me is how I gain respect. And it's actually how I grew my business. I grew my business by doing the thing that many of us just want to run away from, and that's going into those tough conversations. So let me ask you this. If you were doing something that bothered a friend of yours, what do you want to know that? Right? What do you want to know? How it bothered them? See, my experience is that when I tell it to clients, they often say, Well, yes, I would want to know. So I want to ask you by running away from conversation, we deny ourselves the opportunity of learning. We also deny those around us the space to share their experience. Okay. We can see that it really deprives us of having real experiences free of anxiety, and here's what I want to point out about an anxiety. If you're anxious about having a conversation. That's going to be difficult. I'd like you to consider Your anxiety is firmly rooted in not having the conversation. Most people think the conversation will lead them to feeling worse than how they currently feel. Okay? And if that feeling current feeling is sweaty or anxious, or worried or overwhelmed your heart's racing, you think, oh, I don't want to do this, but what if having the conversation, those harder conversations was actually the cure for that anxiety. And it actually helps you to feel better about yourself calmer and more at ease. Okay, I again, I want you to consider your anxiety is firmly rooted in not having the conversation. So when we allow ourselves to move beyond the grip of our fear, and actually give someone feedback, we give ourselves the opportunity to rewrite that story that's playing in our heads. So if you want to learn how to do this in my five step framework, I want you to join my how to have conversations webinar coming up on July 14. All the info is at brave by design dotnet and also in the show notes to this program. Okay, I will talk to you all later.

Transcribed by